Andee's Blog

Seriously, Let's Not Judge Others

2011-10-05T21:08:00.000-05:00

I am Andee. I, like anyone else, have my own set of morals, values, opinions, ect. My morals, opinions, and values may be different from yours, but who are you to judge me? One of my goals in life is to eliminate my own judgmental feelings towards others. Easily, one can be less judgmental by being educated. I advise that everyone take a sociology and/or psychology class to get a better understanding of different cultures, individuals, races, ect. Additionally, one can become educated by getting to know people before they judge them. Secondly, you can eliminate judgment by just having the will-power to not judge people. You know, the golden rule, “treat others as you’d like to be treated.” I think it’s fairly simple manners.

So let’s get down to what happened today. If you couldn’t tell, I’m steaming about this topic. I went to a doctor’s appointment, pretty normal right? I may be assuming here, but I’m pretty sure when you go to the doctor’s office, it’s not really expected to hear the nurse talk bad about you. Am I wrong here? Anyway, what the nurse said was not exactly appropriate since it had to do with the medical reason I was visiting the doctor, and it was rude comments about my let’s call it “condition.” What she said and why she said it is not important for this discussion other than she didn’t agree with my morals/values. Still, she has no right to judge me because A) she doesn’t know me and B) she should not be talking about a patient to other people who are not directly involved with my visit, let alone where everyone in the office can hear her! I was in a room and could hear her. If you’re in any kind of field, especially the medical field, your job is to practice medicine (or whatever) and not judge your patients for any reason. That’s just what I think.

So the moral of the story is; don’t judge others. I’m so tired of living in such a hateful, judgmental world. I am an individual, just like anyone else. I have feelings and I get hurt. Why can’t we just put a stop to this and work together to make the world more accepting? I’m going to have to quote John Lennon because maybe “…I’m dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.” And I do hope that, because I want a better future for the generations to come. So next time, do yourself and others a favor; think before you judge someone and act accordingly.

I Love You for Who You Are

2011-09-24T10:41:00.004-05:00

Every girl gets this idea that they want to find one guy who just loves her for who she is. She sees it in movies, reads it in books, and she wants a love like that. She spends her life waiting for a guy like that. All she wants to hear is "I love you for who you are." She wants and needs to believe in those words.

When she finds the guy who utters those words she knows she has to hold on to the love they share and never let go. She has reason to believe in those words and knows he means those words. That's when she can truly give her heart. Maybe it'll be difficult, but it's something she needs to do and wants to do. And she does it because she loves you for who you are.

Love Isn't Always What I Thought

2011-08-27T08:32:00.006-05:00

When it comes to love, I'm a hopeless romantic. I want nothing more than my very own romance novel story. And maybe I'm too optimistic because I want some perfect love story. Realistically, love is never perfect not even in books. For example, tons of people (myself included) adore Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook. Allie and Noah are so perfect together and you may think their story is a "perfect" love story. I used to think this, too.

It's time to face the fact: Noah and Allie were just about as perfect as any real relationship. They fought, but they were still crazy about each other. Additionally, they faced the hardships of being separated and lied to in order to be kept apart by Allie's parents. Their love, however, is something to strive for. For years, Noah waited (although he tried to move on and failed). Allie moved on, but in the end she chose Noah because he was who really held her heart. Thus, I believe true love prevails. No matter if the couple is fighting or distance separates them, love will win.

Noah best sums a relationship up when he tells Allie, "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard: we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday." And thank you Nicholas Sparks for making me believe in true love.

Help Stop Poverty!

2011-08-01T21:17:00.002-05:00

Did you know that $15 can help a person in poverty for an entire year? To us $15 doesn't seem like a whole lot, really it's enough to get sunglasses or a pair of jeans. To someone in poverty $15 is life for an entire year. It has always been my dream to help make a difference in the world, so this is my first attempt to change the world. Please help me reach my goal, even if you donate $5. Any amount is helpful! Plus, I've pledged to dye my hair black (even though I doubt it'll look good because I'm so pale) when I reach my goal. To all of you who took the time to read this thank you.

Help me stop poverty by donating to my fundraiser at: http://support.outreach-international.org/site/TR/Events/PersonalFundraising?pg=fund&fr_id=1030&pxfid=1082

Searching for a Purpose

2011-06-26T14:43:00.009-05:00

What is my life purpose? What is my personal legend? I'm drowning in questions and in the unknown. I have so much to figure out, but the most important thing is what is supposed to be my purpose. The one thing I've wanted to do my entire life is to help. After some self-searching, it extended to making a larger difference.

I want to do great things, but I don't know where to start. I mean there are so many ways to help and there are so many things I want to do to make a difference. The problem is rooted in that I feel too insignificant to make such a large difference on my own and I may be. Somehow I've got to reach out and help. When I was little I thought I'd be a nurse or a teacher, and currently I'm considering a degree in biology. I can be a conservation biologist and help save animals, or I can be a teacher and make a difference in the future starting with the youth.

I know what I want to do. I know how to accomplish it, but there are so many roadblocks and obstacles. And trust me, I want to get there. I know I can, but a lack of inspiration stunts my abilities. So in the end that's what I'm looking for, a bit of inspiration and a push in the right direction. Maybe as I make my journey through life I'll figure out my personal legend, but the now is important because if I do nothing, I'll go nowhere. I must act now.

Hidden Heart

2011-03-27T09:23:00.007-05:00

Robert Frost, one of my favorite poets, once said "Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up." I definitely understand this, because I've built walls (fences). Walls are great for one thing: keeping yourself locked in. Sure, I see the benefits of being well protected and keeping yourself from feeling too attached or too vulnerable, but there are so many disadvantages. I'm starting to think it's not worth it.

First, locking yourself in also keeps everyone else out. That's obvious, but what you don't realize is that keeping others out, may push them away. It may be unintentional, but they may feel that by being kept out they can't connect to you. As you can see, this is a hindrance on relationships/friendships.

Second, you're hurting yourself. I know that I don't want to end up alone and by hiding behind walls, I could very well end up that way. Plus, walls don't allow true feeling. What's life without a little risk, anyway? Isn't love and friendship worth it in the end?

I feel that by hiding your heart behind walls is ridiculous. I get scared, but I want to take a chance because there is so much I'm missing if I don't. I've been hurt and I know the feeling of "I'm never letting that happening again." That's no way to live, so I'm going to work at it. We can't always be safe, but in the end loving and being hurt is so much better than not ever loving.

Letter to an Amazing Guy

2011-03-17T09:13:00.006-05:00

Cameron,

What do I contribute? What is my purpose? These questions are complicated, but I strive to find some kind of answer. I was posed a similar question last night and I can't get it off my mind.

In P.S. I Love you, Gerard Butler says "Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends." Meeting you changed life as I knew it. Life is different now; it's better. You make me feel safe, even if it's just a scary movie or facing my greatest fear. I know I can count on you to protect me, to be there for me, and to make me happy. You give me so much without even realizing it.

I love how you and I have enough similar interests, but also enough differences to make it work. Being with you feels right. Depending on anyone is scary, because of what I've been through, but it's a risk I'm willing to take now. The truth is you mean a lot to me and I don't want that to change. I hope that our paths continue to intertwine together for awhile, because ultimately we both contribute to each other a lot by providing introspection and learning about one another.

For such a complex question, this hardly feels like enough words, though every word I've said is true. Every time I think about you, I realize that our song by Ben Folds is right, "I am the luckiest."

Yours truly,

Ashley

I'm feeling...

2011-02-15T14:12:00.004-06:00

Instead of stating how I feel, I want to convey it through a story. I will not obviously state what it is, though there will be several hints. This will be from my character Carmen's point of view. I hope you can all see it similarly to the way I do. If not, I'd love to hear your responses, so leave comments or contact me otherwise. :)

One cold winter day, I walked home along the creek with Raine by my side. I could still hear the whining and moaning from all of my classmates, who complained about their problems. No one had asked about my issues, they all assumed I wanted to hear their babbling. It's not that I had a lot of issues which begged to be discussed. It's just that I felt lost in all of my thoughts like a child lost in a crowd.

As my thoughts consumed me, I kept walking forward until all I felt was an icy chill run through my body. The water crept up past my shoulders and before I could think my head was covered. I reached for Raine, but there was no hand to grab. I tried to scream for help, but I produced no sound. Raine stood at the surface, searching for me. The murky, cold water kept visibility to a minimum, so I swam towards the light. I surfaced and gasped for air.

"Are you okay? Take my jacket," Raine said as he hurriedly took off his jacket.

"I-I'm okay," I stuttered between teeth chattering.

"What was on your mind and had you so intrigued?" Raine got it. Finally, someone had realized. Before I could utter another word he hugged me. "Tell me about it when we get you inside."

So there it is. Tell me what you think!

Relationships = Life Lessons

2011-02-12T10:36:00.005-06:00

Not everything in life is love related, though as a girl and a hopeless romantic, love is a large portion. I know Valentine's Day is around the corner, so I feel this blog is appropriate. I'll spare you the heart gushing and get to my point. Relationships, if not always great, are awesome for life lessons. Sure, there is vulnerability and there will be heart-break, but no matter what happens, you can learn something. Not only do we learn about other people, but we learn about ourselves. Relationships teach us how to interact with others and what kind of traits we may be looking for. Love is complicated, so we must be open minded to the lessons it can teach us. I believe love doesn't just magically walk into your life. On the contrary, I do believe by using relationships to learn, love can develop.

Sink or Swim

2011-01-23T10:02:00.004-06:00

Debating and deciding, oh those major life-altering decisions. When making decisions, the one thing to consider is to sink or to swim. I've concluded that I want to stand on my own after graduation, and I don't want help. I'll either sink or I'll swim. Swimming is the best option and I will do my best. Also, when considering mlad's you may have to settle until you can find a way to reach a greater goal. Settling might actually turn out even better than your original plan. Start small and work your way to the top when you decide to gain your independence. The world may be big and bad, but you can be tough. Face it, and demand your independence.

Where's home again?

2011-01-18T21:58:00.003-06:00

It took me staying out of my house for six days to realize that home is always home. I mean that no matter how far I stray or how long I'm away, I can go home and feel safe. I believe it's true that home is where the heart is. Home is about being around people who love you and feeling protected. I know that no matter how bad things can get, there is always one place to go.
As a teenager all I can think about is getting out on my own and being independent, and this six days has given me a taste of that. When I get out into the big, bad world I will remember my where I came from and be thankful that I have somewhere my heart belongs. In seeking my independence, I may find that somewhere else is where I should be, but for now my home is where I've grown up. Understanding and appreciating your roots is a building block of gaining independence, and I'm glad I've learned this early on.

Walk-in Friendship

2011-01-10T07:31:00.003-06:00

Walter Winchell, an American newspaper and radio commentator, once said, "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." I have to agree with Winchell. It seems that people always walk in and out of my life, but the people I consider my real friends are always there for me. My experiences so far have shown me that some people are not always going to stick around through hardships. Life can get difficult and nobody can deal with it completely alone. I always put up a tough front, because I've been through a lot and I want to deal with what life deals me, but I couldn't have made it through the worst without my friends. I love my friends and I hope they all know how much I appreciate them.

Where are you Christmas?

2010-12-18T08:33:00.003-06:00

Does anyone else not feel the Christmas spirit? I feel like all of the good things that made Christmas are slowly disappearing. Before we know it, Christmas will be extinct. Whether that's the religious aspect or even Santa, it will slowly die off and have no meaning other than presents.

Instead of holiday cheer, there's greed and selfishness. Some (not all) children I know are focused on getting what they want, though it's not always children. What is up with "keep Christ in Christmas"? It's selfish to other religions who do celebrate Christmas purely for the cheer and love it brings. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but who isn't getting tired of pushy religious people saying things that ruin your opinion of them? I am for sure.

I'm Sorry to inform you, but Christmas isn't all about presents or all about Christ. To some people, Christmas is about being with friends and family. It's about caring about people and being generous. I used to love the holidays, but this year so many people have been rude to me, it makes for a disappointing end of the year. In the end, I hope to preserve some kind of Christmas spirit for my children someday. When I have children, I want them to experience the love and good feeling Christmas always had for me.

Lost

2010-11-11T18:15:00.002-06:00

I feel lost. I'm dancing around dizzily with confusion. What am I going to do? Who am I going to be? What's the best decision for me? And what's with all these secrets lately? I don't like secrets, I never have. I love him. I know that because I always have, it never changed. I just don't like keeping it a secret.

This year has been rough for friendships. Honestly, only a few have passed the challenges. Now I'm being spied on and its starting an information war. I don't want anything to do with it. It feels like I have to watch my back, more so my mouth. If I say one thing, it could trigger the bomb that starts the big war. I hardly trust anyone and it's exhausting. When am I ever going to feel safe? I don't feel physically safe or emotionally safe. This is preposterous and I want an end to it. Unfortunately, I feel this is hardly close to over. I'm willing to let it all go and move on, but I doubt she is. The immaturity is absurd and I'm not going to play into it.

I've had a bad year, thus I've learned a lot. I'm not willing to jeopardize my mental health for some immature girl. I will not play your game and I will not let you hurt me. This is not fun and you should grow up.

Moving Forward

2010-09-06T11:19:00.003-05:00

I have so much on my mind, it's racing with thoughts and I'm not sure where to begin. It's a dizzying feeling, with so many things pushing to be top thought. You know, I feel like people don't listen to me the majority of the time. Is it that my problems are slightly less important, or are they so arrogant that they can only focus on themselves? Why should I give you the time of day when I don't matter to you? That's right, I'm the bigger person. I won't refuse to listen to you, if and when you want to talk. I guess this would explain why I have to blog and write in a journal. It's more for me than anything. Don't get me wrong, I'd be tickled pink if my blog touched lives and helped inspire somebody.

Second on the list, I am so afraid of getting hurt, it's not even funny. At one little sign of a possibility, I'm ready to retreat behind my wall. I've been hurt so many times and I know that love comes at a price. Love is always worth the price we pay, but that doesn't make my fear any less. Sometimes I think too much about the situation and automatically assume that something bad is going to happen, that I'm working on. There is a happy medium, and I will find it.

The last thing I want to write about is another kind of fear. I've been through a lot this year and I want to push forward. I've made it this far and nothing would make me feel worse than to slip backwards. Since the issue (we'll just keep it at that) was resolved, or so I thought, I felt like massive weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. Now there is a possibility the issue may come back, and I'm honestly scared. I don't want fear to control my life again, and I'm trying hard to keep it from doing so. I just got keep on moving forward.

Endings only lead to new beginnings

2010-08-17T09:21:00.002-05:00

Today is my last day of summer. I'm very familiar with the whole back to school/end of summer kind of thing. This year it feels a bit different. This is my last summer as a high school student. It's scary to think about, but also exciting. All good things must come to an end. The brighter side is one door closes to another open door. After high school is college, a new chapter in my life.

It's time to start taking responsibility for everything. It scares me, but thinking about the Independence and the fun I'm going to have makes up for it. Growing up is scary, but we all have to do it. It's not the ending, it's only the beginning.

How much more?

2010-08-03T23:47:00.004-05:00

I've had it to my wits end with rude people. First, there are things called manners. I figured this was a given, simple social skill which people just acquired after enough time around other people. Wrong. It seems some of my family have not learned what manners are. It drives me crazy!

Second, what gives someone the right to be totally impolite and say such hurtful things and rude comments? "Why are you here?" Since when did you own this house, which you are visiting in? Since when is it okay to make me feel unwanted and be rude? I don't have to be nice and I don't have to visit, next time I won't bother.

Third, I do speak my mind. This does not make me a "heartless bitch." But thank you for trying to understand me. By the way, you fail. By stating the truth that a family member has done a lot of damage to my self-esteem and has been nasty to me, doesn't make me a bitch. I only said what everyone else thought and was afraid to say. I know how I feel and I'm not going to hide it. I've worked way too hard to get to the point I don't bottle it all up.

Lastly, I'm done. If I get pushed away further, then so be it. I am not willing to keep trying and failing. I'm tired of this one step forward, two steps back.

Jason St. John

2010-07-29T10:56:00.003-05:00

Jason, you had a great idea for a post, but I thought maybe I'd write about you instead. See Jason has been one of my biggest supporters for quite awhile. He's kept up on the stuff I read and given me feedback. Jason is quite an inspiration himself. He's had a hard life, but he's kept on pushing through and he's aiming to get better. That's something to be proud of.
Everyone's lives are hard in one way or another. Jason has proven he can handle what he's given in life and I have to say that inspires me. He is one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and he listens and helps. We have had our ups and downs, but in the end we've managed to stay friends. I wish we were closer and that he also lived closer, but I can deal with how things are now.
Jason, you always make me smile no matter what. I love how you always know just what to say to make me feel better. Best friends forever. =]

Just haven't met you yet

2010-07-27T22:09:00.006-05:00

I know all my posts lately have to do with relationships and love and blah.... but that's what has been on my mind a lot. Maybe I watch too many chick flicks and read too many Nicholas Sparks' books.... if there's such a thing. But here's the thing, I feel like love doesn't just happen. It's not like whoa did you see that guy, he's the one. Love at first sight... hoax! I'm pretty sure it's liketrust and it has to be built over time.

Maybe I just haven't met the right guy yet? Like Michael Bublé's lyrics "I might have to wait, I'll never give up I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life," I think I'll let fate lead the way. I'm not going to try to find my "prince charming." So stop waiting for the perfect guy to walk into your life and do what you wanna do. I say that when it's right you'll find the love you hoped you'd find. So don't stress about it and keep your options open. If it helps dream about whoever you want and that too-perfect-to-be-real romance we all wish could be true. Love is crazy, as is life. Let's live it to the fullest and love will eventually come our way.

Don't wanna be a broken-hearted fool

2010-07-26T09:06:00.003-05:00

Relationships. What is it that people are scared of? What am I afraid of? I think the thought of giving my heart again is pretty scary on its own. Once you've been really hurt, it's hard to subject yourself to the same possibility. Since the big, bad break-up I've kept closer tabs on my heart and who I might want to give it to. I have only been in one relationship since then and that didn't last long for reasons of its own. I don't always feel like I want to date someone. I'm afraid to commit my heart and get hurt. But that's the problem, not the solution. If I open up, I could give someone a chance.
Love is taking risks, even if it means putting your heart on the line. I think I need to stop being a pansy and take down my walls. Walls are only for two things; keeping yourself locked up and keeping others out. Neither are good for relationships. I want to find someone I can call my best friend and my boyfriend. Someone I trust completely and makes me want to take down my walls. I'm strong and I can make it work if willing. I suppose this is the first step towards that. I wish the rest of you the best of luck with your "love lives."

Take an inch, I'll give you a mile

2010-07-21T23:00:00.004-05:00

I've always been the one to try really hard to make things work out perfectly. This eventually leads to disappointment and frustration. I make plans, but they never work. I'm to the point where I just say "fuck it!" Whatever happens, happens. I'll deal.
And for friendships... you know who you are. I'm done with trying so hard to make our friendship work. I'm done giving effort that in the end is wasted. "We never hang out." To hell with that and you, I tried. I give up on this because friendships or any relationships are two sided. It should be 50/50. I feel like its 80/20. And you aren't giving the 80%.
I'm not a quitter, I never have been. I always try my best and I'm a go-getter, but this just doesn't work for me. I'm tired of trying and getting nowhere. This isn't a failure, it's doing what's best for me. That's okay with me, I'll deal with it. I have better friends anyway, meaning I don't need you. Have a great life. =]

The Little Things

2010-07-20T20:24:00.003-05:00

Everything seems like such a big deal, life is busy and too often we miss things. You know what I'm talking about, it's those little things that make life that much better. In relationships I don't care about the big romantic gestures, those mean nothing compared to the little things. What is a box of chocolates or a dozen roses compared to a note written just so you know they're thinking of you? I mean it is the thought that counts.... but honestly it means more to me if you just think about me without spending money. But now I've kind of gotten off topic...
Anyway, today I remembered how much nature and music means to me. It took one of my random rants about how much I love them, for that "Ah ha!" moment. So I was talking to my friend Matt and he mentioned writing about storms and I couldn't think of why I haven't. I love them, there's just no other explanation. They're awesome! Nature is amazing and its beautiful, but people just take it for granted. We should protect it and we should pay attention to its beauty. I don't need to get off on a rant about recycling, reducing, and reusing. I'm pretty sure I've probably blogged about that... knowing me. heh...
As for music, it's my life. I can't imagine life without it. Almost all the time I have music playing because it just makes life better. It helps me think, it makes me feel better, it's magical. And I play the violin, that's something I can get passionate about no matter what kind of mood I'm in. It helps with everything.
And this is my rant for tonight. I'm hoping to write a poem and post it soon, so stay tuned! And thanks to everyone who reads! =]

Sweet success

2010-07-19T18:43:00.003-05:00

We all have dreams, goals, and aspirations, but sometimes its hard to accomplish them. I think that is what makes success taste even sweeter. There are always mountains to climb and objects that appear in the middle of our paths. You can either conquer them and occasionally go around them. I think its best to face it head on. When you finally get where you're going the struggles turn into strength. It sometimes seems that what we strive for is impossible, but it is truly impossible for those who believe it. Life is like a deck of cards, it doesn't matter what cards you're dealt, because you will get good and bad ones. It only matters is how you handle them.

Update! =]

2010-07-06T21:05:00.003-05:00

So, it's been too long since I've blogged. A lot has happened. 2010 started out pretty rough, but I think things are finally looking up for me. I've learned a lot about myself and what I want in life. As of now, that is.
I survived the hardest year of high school, Junior year.... yikes! I survived losing my boyfriend and several friends this year. (As it turns out, being single is sometimes better anyway.) I survived having a gun held to my neck, though it caused anxiety and fear, I dealt with it. I've faced some of my biggest nightmares, held my head up high, and kept going. I am strong.
I wish that everyone could understand how great this feels. It is hard, but life is a deck of cards, you have to handle the ones you're dealt no matter how difficult they are. Life is what you make of it. If you think its too hard to deal with then it is incredibly difficult to handle. If you think you can get through anything, you will. Just remember that anyone can set their mind, putting it into action is something totally different.

Changes

2010-03-13T07:49:00.003-06:00

I know I've been slacking, but I've just had so much going on. It seems like a lot of it has been bad. Knowing me, I tally it quite well. Does that make me pessimistic or realistic? It sure is strange how my mind changes from optimistic, trusting thoughts to thoughts that struggle between optimistic and pessimistic. Some of my old blogs are weird to read, because some of my opinions have changed, my writing is a tad bit different, and the way I think now is different.
Isn't it funny how just a few years changes almost everything. Then again, just a few moments change time. Also, just a few experiences change your mind. I'm going through this teenage stage and aspects of my life do nothing but change. Some day I want to look back and be able to say that my teen days made me who I am, and that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. All it takes is making it through the few more years I have left of high school and teenage life. Until then I must go on.

Lies

2009-10-15T09:28:00.004-05:00

No matter how large or small a lie always does some kind of damage. Someone is always bound to be hurt by a lie. Now keep in mind, a white lie to save someone's feelings, like saying they don't look bad in their favorite outfit, is excluded. Yes, there are gray areas.
In my opinion, the worst lies are the ones you tell yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, what good is that doing? You won't be able to know others are being honest and how can you be completely honest to others? It just builds up, and when you hit that breaking point its the worst.
Yes, I have lied to myself. Every one lies at some point, but we are only humans. I think it helps me to be open minded about lying, because honestly, I'm writing this to clear my conscience. When I look back I see some of my old lies and I'm ashamed, but now I can learn. My past is a stepping stone for a better future. The older I get the more ridiculous lying is and the less I lie. I've realized it's not going to get me anywhere, so what's the purpose? Just keep an open mind about lying.

Vulnerable

2009-10-07T07:10:00.003-05:00

What does it mean to be vulnerable? Does it make you weak? Or stronger? It's like taking down every wall you've ever designed and built to keep people out. It's letting someone see you for all that you are, flaws included. I say you feel weak, but I think it makes you stronger. It takes much more strength to let someone in and expose every flaw.
We can only be as strong as our weakest link and by being vulnerable, we're letting someone see that. We're trusting someone enough to know us without judging. It's a huge step, but when it comes to relationships, it makes things easier. It's a better understanding of who each of us really are. I think that it takes a lot to expose your flaws, but if someone can see them and still accept you, than that's the kind of person I want in my life.

Time to find a balance

2009-09-10T06:32:00.004-05:00

School, work, family, friends, how will I ever find a balance? Time management is the key. I always find myself worrying about not having enough time for some important part of my life. Sometimes I have to squeeze in an extra couple minutes for homework or even just to say hey to my friends. Right now is the perfect example, I'm squeezing in a bit of time to write a blog since its something I love to do. I'll admit it is hard, but it is not impossible.
What helps me is that I have a semi-routine. Parts of my daily activities are just routine like getting up and getting ready for school. Then I have days when I work, that adds to my daily routine. It's more like a weekly routine. I can't stand having everything the same all the time, so from time to time I do switch it up a little. It can be as simple as switching which time I eat breakfast. Routines can work if you stick to them.
Stress is a big factor when it comes to routines and time management. How do I find a balance? Do I have enough time for my friends and family? Did I finish my homework? Am I working enough hours? It causes me a bunch of stress. It's not so bad that I can't handle it, but sometimes I do get overwhelmed. It's important to handle only what you can. If you can't handle a job and school, then don't. If you are getting stressed make sure you find time to be with your friends and family. That's the best way to feel better.
We've gotta take it all one day at a time. There is a balance, we just have to find what works for us. What works for me could completely throw someone else off. As long as there's a will, there's a way.

Parents

2009-08-07T01:04:00.005-05:00

It's one a.m. and I can't sleep. You know why? It's because I'm too busy thinking about some poor little kid I saw today. So I was at a fair today with some friends and it was all fun, like it should be. But I saw this little boy and he was with a police officer looking for his parents and at first I thought nothing of it, because when I was little I'm sure I got lost a few times and was always reunited with my parents. Then an hour or so later I see the same kid with the police officer still but this time he's in a golf cart and he looks very hopeless. These two images keep running through my head and two words come to mind; disgust and sorrow.
I don't understand how anyone could just abandon their child. It's horrible and it just disgusts me that anyone could be that cruel. Along with the images of that sad little boy, I keep thinking of millions of questions. Will that boy be reunited with his parents? If so, where were they and why did it take so long? How in the world could they leave him? If they didn't want him, why didn't they take him to a safe place like a pediatrician's office and leave him there so he'd be safer? Are his parents actually all right? Are they still alive? Is he going to be put in a foster home? How will this kid cope with it? Was it even on purpose or accidental?
I just don't know any of that. The only thing I can really wrap my mind around is that parents are supposed to be our safety net. No matter what they should make us feel safe and protected. Parents are to look out for their children and love them. But this little boy was alone. Sure he had the police officer to look after him, but its not the same! Parents are loving and caring without a reason, because they just do. I'm not saying the officer didn't care, because he obviously did, but not in the same way a parent should. My last thought on this is that those of us who do have good parents should appreciate them. Even if we are a teenager with raging hormones, we still love our parents and when we want to feel safe we know we can run to them.

The Ugly Truth

2009-07-25T22:08:00.006-05:00

So I watched The Ugly Truth today and it sparked something in my mind. The truth sure as hell can be ugly. But why do we have to think of it that way? You know optimism can go a long way. Well its the truth, its ugly, but hey at least I know what's real. Sometimes the truth hurts, but that's the way it is. Take it or leave it.
The ugly truth is love seems like it should be all emotional, but its not. You really have to have two aspects of a relationship. One being emotional, and two is physical. Can you really think of a couple who isn't physical with each other? If you can, are they really happy around each other? By physical I don't mean sex, although eventually that does play a part, but it's as simple as holding hands and hugging.
I don't mean to be blunt, but girls need the physical attention just as much as guys do. Girls really do think about that stuff. Unless they're prude, but then again I bet they still think about it, they may deny it though. And why should they deny it? It's the truth. I think people should be a little more open minded about sex and about sexuality. Because everyone does it at some point and everyone thinks about it. I don't think it should be a topic people are afraid of, it's something to embrace so that teens aren't scared of it and girls aren't scared of it.
So why do we like to deny the truth? Is it we're just scared? Or is it the lack of open mindedness? The truth should be put out there. I do respect that people want to live their lives in denial about certain subjects, but I don't think some should feel they have to. The truth can be ugly, but its out there.

The Popular Finish Last

2009-07-12T21:52:00.003-05:00

Popularity. Who the hell cares? So here's the situation; We're in high school and that girl is super popular. Why? Well first of all, she probably kissed ass to get to the top. She might have done some things we shouldn't exactly speak of. And why did she do it? Just to be cool. The best part, its only for the next few years of high school.
Popularity is over-rated. It's stupid. It's annoying. Why is there even a top and bottom for social status? I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't care about being popular. And who cares if a lot of people don't like me? They're not worth my time, if they're not going to get to know and like me for who I am.
And why do girls crave popular guys? That is just plain ridiculous! Especially if you know they won't ever like you. They're not going to spend their time on you if you're not popular like them. So why even waste your time? Most of the time they wouldn't love you for who you are.
For my disclaimer I'll say that not all popular people are ridiculous. Some are nice. But, popularity shouldn't matter. It's a waste of time to become or worry about being popular. Just accept yourself and love the friends you have. They're the ones that would catch your fall anyway.

RIP the King of Pop

2009-07-07T16:48:00.003-05:00

I know it is a bit belated, but I'd like to talk about Micheal Jackson. His death was a shock to us all, including the haters. I suppose the haters got what they wanted, and I hope all the nasty jokes will finally go. But still, people keep going on with the stupid jokes. Okay, so he made some mistakes. Who doesn't? He was acquitted of all his charges, so why is it still a big deal?
Micheal Jackson was the KING of Pop music. To the Guiness World Record he was the king of charities. He's listed in the books for Most Charities Supported By A Pop Star. And I'll be damned if that isn't something very special. His music made a HUGE difference in not only pop and other types of music, but also in society. Many singers were influence by him and without Micheal, where would they be? And about society, it's not just the charities. Because of him blacks, whites, asians, hispanics, everyone can get along better. I seriously think that without his influence, Obama might not have become president.
I hope all the haters and hypocrits are done. If your just now trying to come around and say good things because he died, then you're a hypocrite and you're just as bad if not worse than the haters. All I have to say is rest in peace Micheal Jackson. You'll live on through your music.

Crazy, Wild Dreams

2009-07-02T14:30:00.012-05:00

There he is, the man of my dreams. He's tall, dark, and handsome and he's calling out to me. I reach for him and the floor begins to give way. I back away until my back is against a wall. The hole in the floor gets bigger, until I have no choice but to hold on for dear life. The edge gets harder to grip, but I don't let go. Do I fall? Do I climb back up somehow to see the man again? I don't know, I've just woken up from another crazy dream.
My dreams have always been weird, at least the ones I remember. Sometimes I dream about my thoughts or events of the day. Sometimes I don't know why I dream what I do. I suppose that some part of me is familiar with the idea.
Besides my crazy dreams, I have a very weird sleep pattern. Sometimes I can get eight hours, sometimes barely twenty minutes of sleep. I notice that depends on whats on my mind. If I have a lot or one thing that's bothering me, I can't sleep. That of course is fairly normal, in my opinion. And if I say something like oh, I bet I'll sleep good tonight or vice versa, I usually do.
Dreams and sleep patterns really rely on thoughts. I'm not saying this goes for everyone, but for me it does. I've always been a thinker, about everything. That goes for the man of/in my dreams.

Do you know just what you can do to a girl's heart?

2009-06-21T22:27:00.003-05:00

As young girls we start out dreaming of that prince charming like in all the princess stories like Cinderella and Snow White. We dream of the day we'll fall in love, the day we get married and how beautiful we'll look. We watch and absolutely adore anything with love in it. That goes for books, too. That's just how we are.
Do you know just what you can do to a girl's heart? When we start liking you our hearts flutter. We can't help it. Then when you play with our emotions it crushes us. It's not that hard to do. It's even worse when we really like you and think you like us. But you know what? We'll get to that point, we don't care. Girls can be just as strong. Someday you can watch us walk by without a glance or a tinge of remorse. Why even waste your time? Why waste my time? If you're not into me, don't act like it.
Love is an important thing to girls, so don't ruin it. Because once the damage has been done, it's over.

Blinded by Love

2009-06-17T12:29:00.003-05:00

I'm sure everyone's heard that love is blind. I have to agree with that. Everyone has their own preference on what they're attracted to. (I don't know if that makes sense, but we'll go with it.) I will say that I have sat at the mall with some of my girl friends and we'll talk about how hot guys are, but that's not why I date guys. Looks only last so long. When I start liking somebody they better have a damn good personality.
Now I'm not saying I date ugly or hot guys, because in my opinion they may be cute, but to somebody else they're not. I really like a guy when I can relate and when they've got an awesome personality. Their personality is what makes them attractive. So maybe that's part of love being blind. Otherwise all of the shallow people, who are only in it for looks, would all be in love. And I have to say not all good looking people are shallow. You could always have the best of both worlds.

The Pit of Despair

2009-06-14T11:47:00.009-05:00

The pit of despair is what I like to call my moments of doubt. The moments I start feeling pessimistic and hopeless. I've never really been a confident person. I would have moments where I really am and then moments where I wasn't not at all. This year I've been working on it. Gaining more confidence, more of the time was my new year's resolution.
I didn't write this to brag about how much progress I feel I've made. I thought that maybe if I share my experience with the pit of despair that it would help somebody else. It's a sorrowful place to be. You feel like everything is going wrong, you're not sure how to reach that radiating sunshine at the top. Sometimes you know you need to climb back up, sometimes a friend is throwing you a rope and pulling you back up, and sometimes you're in so deep that you don't even want to worry about the sunlight. I know how that is, but once you get back in the warm sun, it makes it much easier to keep climbing up and less likely to fall back in.
The important part is being optimistic. Don't be so optimistic that you think you'll fly right out of the pit, because that'll lead to disappointment. If you're realistically optimisitic (that sure is a mouthful) it keeps your chin up without keeping your head so far in the clouds you're lost. Don't think too much about the pit and try to avoid it. The sunshine truly is better.

Not Like The Other Girls

2009-06-11T22:24:00.004-05:00

Weird? What is weird? Better yet, what is normal? Now I believe there is no such thing as weird or normal. Sure something can be unusual as it not the ordinary. But when it comes to people, there is no weird. It's so subjective, that I don't think weird is an appropriate adjective.
I'm pretty sure we've all been called weird. And yes, I've called people weird. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite, but who are you to be all high and mighty to call me a freak? I don't have to like the things you do, I don't have to fit in, so I'm "weird." I know I'm not like the other girls. I don't care. I love who I am, I'm finally satisfied with myself.
Is it that you're insecure? Is that why you put people like me down? Wow, how mature of you. I've been bullied and I've also seen others being bullied. Why do we have to hate people for their differences? What would the world be without all the unique people? Boring. So let's not put others down for how different or unique they are. They're not weird! Celebrate how unique our world is!

"What makes you different, makes you beautiful, What's there inside you shines through to me" -Backstreet Boys

Music that Changed my Life (Boring rambling about music I love)

2009-05-31T10:30:00.002-05:00

When I think about music in my life time, it's been a long winding journey. I started loving music early with Backstreet Boys, followed by Nsync shortly after. I suppose I really liked the boy band/pop stuff for awhile until I got up into sixth or seventh grade. Although at the time I'd like to think I stopped liking pop music, I never did. In middle school I started wearing all black (what was I thinking?), and I got my first taste of newer rock thanks to Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams. My collection of favorite rock artist then grew tremendously. Somewhere between those two my grandpa got me into jazz and blues, and I got into classical pieces simply because of my violin. Anyway, as I got into high school, I started listening to the Beatles and John Lennon music. It gave me something to really think about. I started feeling better about myself, along with wearing more colorful clothing. And here I am, listening to all kinds of music. I'm not ashamed of it, like I used to be afraid that someone would judge that I still like pop music. I don't care. The Backstreet Boys got me hooked on music, so they have a special place in my heart. Music is music, whatever moves you is what will capture your heart.

Obsessions

2009-05-06T16:35:00.007-05:00

I'm sorry my lovely readers, it's been forever since I wrote. I've had so much going on or I've had writer's block but finally I have some time to sit down and write and no writer's block. So here we go. =]
The topic I want to rant about is obsessions. I don't mean Brad Pitt obsessions or Twilight obsessions, it's the every day obsessing over some one. First, I have to say by obsession, I mean it in the strongest form possible. A lot of people can use it lightly by saying, I'm so obsessed with him, he's so hot. No, that's not it.
There's a problem when someone wants to know your whereabouts all the time, they constantly call you, and message you. It's crazy and it's annoying. People want and need breathing room. Early on obsessing can be stopped, but there are those who go on to become stalkers. It's scary to think about, but it can be fixed in various ways. Hopefully it never has to be reported to the police it gets so bad, if that's the solution then so be it.
I think that obsessions need to be controlled. I know they can be caused by mistrust and from being hurt in the past, but it's time to move on. Lives will continue after obsessions can be released. It breaks chains and kills the depression that hangs around for the one being obsessed on. The obsessor can also have a life of their own if they just move on.
The moral of this story: don't obsess, don't stalk, and move on. Life always goes on and there are always other people. Brad Pitt or Twilight obsessions, those kind are okay, unless you start stalking some one, then of course its too far. I guess it all goes back to common sense doesn't it? How funny, pretty much everything needs some common sense.

True Friends

2009-03-25T22:11:00.004-05:00

True friends, what exactly does that mean? I guess it's up to the individual to decide what a real friend is. Maybe I'm a bit picky or maybe other people have too low of standards. Either way, my interpretation of true friendship is probably different, or maybe its the same, as yours.

This is what I expect of a real friend. Trust, I have to trust you and know that you can trust me. Honesty, I don't want some one to always lie to me, even if its better than the truth. Loyalty, don't claim to be my friend and then stab me in the back. Like me for me, don't be my friend unless you can truly like and respect me for who I am.

There are always things that can go along with those. Of course, I have more things that I expect, but I suppose I've gotten the general idea out there. What does a true/real friendship mean to you? What do you expect? Maybe we should all take a moment to think about it.

Mistakes

2009-03-17T09:06:00.003-05:00

Mistakes, everybody makes them. Sometimes more than others. I, however, tend to make huge mistakes that I always regret. They eat at me every time I think about them. Although I'd like to say I don't regret anything, that's nearly impossible. I understand that everyone makes mistakes. I understand that we learn from them. Just like in Newton's third law of motion... for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, every mistake has a consequence.

Mistakes have consequences, because that's how we grow and learn. Wheither it's shame that haunts us to remind us not to do it again. Or maybe it's a consequence involving getting in trouble with your parents or even the law. The most important thing is to learn. I almost want to say I don't regret things, because every mistake is a learning experience. Then again, shame and regret will always ride on my shoulder.

As I get older, I become wiser and more mature. Hopefully, I'll be able to see the consequences more beforehand rather than after the fact. Then I can make better descions. No matter how old I will always make mistakes.

Self Sabotage

2009-02-27T01:23:00.003-06:00

Self sabotage, why do I do it? Why does anyone? Sometimes I get to a point and I just can't sleep, like right now. I get to thinking about stuff and can't stop. Then I worry about it; how is this going to turn out? What if I make this decision? What if I chicken out? That's when the sabotage begins. I dwell... and dwell... and you guessed it, dwell some more. I take forever to make my decisions sometimes and in the end it hurts me more. Sometimes taking forever helps me know that it's right, but it's still hard.

Another way I sabotage myself is when I go through a break up (or think about one) all I want to do is watch chick flicks like The Notebook, The Wedding Date, and Sweet Home Alabama. I listen to break up songs and sometimes I listen to love songs. It gives me some weird hope of finding that someday. I'm just setting myself up to see/hear something so romantic and here I am crying my eyes out over a break up.

I really don't know any other way to make myself feel better, except for writing it all down. You've probably figured out what made me write this and what's keeping me up at such an early hour. It's a hard thing to do and it does deserve some thought. Honestly, I have to say that I probably have given this too much thought. I've been taking my time and consequently I have to deal with that.

What is Love?

2009-02-24T17:22:00.004-06:00

Sure any one can describe it. They can describe the emotions they feel and how it makes them physically feel, but who really knows? I am sixteen and I can not wrap my mind around what love is. I am too young to really know or to be in love.

As a girl I've always wanted to be the princess who is rescued by her loyal, charming prince. I wanted my knight in shining armor to whisk me away on his noble stead into the sunset. I cannot possibly speak for every girl, but I can tell you there are lots of us out there like that. It's not that I don't believe in true love, because I do. It's that I don't think high school is the place I'll find my one true love. I'm not saying that it can't happen, because I know it can, but that it doesn't happen often.

I am a sixteen year old girl. I am a writer, a violinist, a journalist, but I am not an expert on love. I have not really been in love nor do I expect it any time soon. True love can occur, but not usually in high school. It took a lot of thought to finally get myself to believe that. I've always been a bit of an optimist, but recently someone has opened my eyes. I can still be optimistic and still dream of my prince charming. Love is something so complicated I doubt I'll ever completely understand.

New Year, New President

2009-01-14T06:41:00.003-06:00

I know there's a lot of controversy about our new President Elect, Barack Obama. I do enjoy my fair share of politics, but I try not to discuss them too much. Since the presidential inauguration is only six days away. I wanted to hear from some people about how they feel.

I know that I support Obama, because I think he can really bring about change. I really hope he does, because let's face it, our country really needs it. Does anybody else think that it's kind of neat that the inauguration is the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day?

That's all I have to say, please comment. Thank you all so much for reading. [=

Words

2009-01-03T10:46:00.003-06:00

What would life be without words? Really, there would be no languages and communication would be completely different. Maybe it would be like dolphins who communicate with sounds that travel much faster through water. The reason humans are so intelligent stimulates from being able to talk and communicate at such a high level.

Words are so wonderful. I, personally, love them. You can move them around and make all kinds of sentences. You can write anything you want, say anything you want, read anything you want, and think anything you want. It all consist of many words. There are so many you could not possibly know them all, so you can always learn new words.

Today, I'm using words to bring in the new year with my new blog and also my second book. Here's to another year of hard work and writing. Hope everyone is having a good new year.

You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello

2008-12-29T13:26:00.004-06:00

In just a few days we will be saying goodbye to 2008 and hello to the new year, 2009. We can all highlight the important events in this year for ourselves and for the world. Maybe I'll even make a mix cd of my favorite songs that came out this year. There's a lot to think about, when it comes to 2008. It's not just this year, it's every year. Try to remember some of the good things, and even some of the bad.

In 2009 decide to make some new changes. Maybe volunteer more or just help out around the house a little more. Not only should you try to carry out a New Year's resolution, but you should try to make life better in general. Maybe this year we can all make a bit of a difference. A new year is a new start.

To all of my readers, I'd like to thank you for this year. I've gotten a book published, I've written a lot of blogs, I'm even going to be on the school newspaper next semester. I wouldn't be anywhere without you guys, though. Have a happy New Year everyone!

My Christmas Wish

2008-12-19T16:50:00.004-06:00

Every year I wish for world peace, and that again is what I've wished for. For just one day, I want everyone to be civil. I want people to treat others as if they were best friends, even if they're enemies. Just for Christmas, is that too much to ask for?
After all, Christmas spirit is about family and friends. It's about love that warms us all. It's when everyone gets together and acts like a family. It's a time of giving, not just presents, but also kindness. All I want for Christmas, is one day where everyone is nice and there's no hate. Just one day. Merry Christmas everyone.

Raising the Confidence

2008-11-21T16:32:00.003-06:00

In today's society if you're not skinny, not "normal", not pretty enough, or don't like popular things, you are an outcast. You are labeled as uncool. Some of us choose not to notice and some of us wish we could also ignore it. I'm not here to rant about bullying or how society can be so cruel. This time I want to reach out and spark some confidence in people like me. We know how it feels to be unaccepted and it's time we stop caring. We need to be confident, because we are all equal people.

Lets face the facts:

We can never be skinny enough, because that's not why they dislike us.
What is normal? It's subjective, and everyone has their own opinion.
Everyone is beautiful in one way or another.
Looks aren't everything, because eventually they fade.
The people who judge others are cowards, and have to make others feel small so they can pretend they feel bigger.
They don't matter to us if they have to act so rudely and immaturely.

We don't need to impress anyone, because those who matter don't care about who we are, how we act, or what we like and wear. As long as you can be happy with yourself, that's what matters. Why should we let them make us feel bad? We're all people and it's time we all act more civilized towards each other. From now on let's all try to be confident and be at least courteous towards each other, if not only nice. Not everyone can abide by how I think and feel about this topic. That's not even my goal. My goal is to reach out and help a group of people, or even just one person with my writing. Now, I'll leave you with your thoughts and hope you take to this with a different outlook.

Free Hugs

2008-11-01T10:21:00.002-05:00

All it takes is one hug, one love, and the world is a little brighter. Juan Mann displayed this in his hometown located in Australia. He knows the feeling of loneliness and wants to change that for other people. This is a great man. He had the courage to stand alone on the streets with his free hug sign, just so he could reach out and help others.

Eventually free hugs were banned because of public liabilty fear and red tape. A petition was started to bring back free hugs. After 10,000 signatures were collected free hugs made a come back. Now most people are familiar with the free hug campaign video, which shows Juan Mann with his free hug sign and trying to gain enough signatures. The song is "All The Same" by Sick Puppies. It is one of the best songs and videos out there.

For more information about the Free Hug Campaign follow this link: http://www.freehugscampaign.org/

Optimism

2008-10-11T13:40:00.003-05:00

I've probably written about this a thousand times, but seriously, I am so tired of all the pessimism in the atmosphere. Something goes wrong, oh my world is coming to an end, everything is so messed up. All I want to say is; STOP IT and SHUT UP!

I'm always here to listen whenever you want to talk, but here are some things to not do when you come to tell me all your problems. First, don't start yelling, don't get pissy with me. Second, see first example. Next, don't be so pessimistic. It's not the end of the world. Last, absolutely do not talk to me and before I can help walk away.

I could name some people in this, but if they can't figure out who they are then I haven't done my job as a writer and blogger.

One last thing, stop being so pessimistic. Just for once, humor me, be optimistic. If something goes wrong, try to fix it. If you can't, stop complaining and deal with it. We're not five we should deal with things in a mature way. Things can and will get better and it starts with you. Change your attitude and have a whole new outlook on life.

Apocalyptica

2008-10-04T12:01:00.005-05:00

As some of you know, I'm not just a writer. I also play the violin. There are some days it would seem easier to just give up because I can't get the music down or I get frustrated because my strings are way out of tune. That's where inspiration comes in. This year my school got a new orchestra teacher. I must say, she really knows her stuff. The best thing is, she told me about this band called Apocalyptica. Three cellos and a drummer playing rock... AMAZING!

Apocalyptica is the most kick ass string band I've ever seen! After I first listened to some of their music I had to have it. Unfortunately, I currently only have nine songs. Thanks to the new orchestra teacher I have the sheet music for "Drive."

Anyway, let's get back to Apocalyptica and their awesomeness. They've done covers of Metallica songs and they sound great! One of my current favorites is their song and video for "I Don't Care" featuring Adam Gontier, it is one of the most brilliant songs ever! I can't even describe how awesome their music is! All I have to say is go check it out.

Websites to check out:
http://www.apocalyptica.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/apocalypticavideos?ob=4

Inconprehensible Love

2008-10-02T15:57:00.004-05:00

Some may think "Andee, you're too young to know anything about love," but I have to disagree. Babies even know what love is when they're first born and held in their parents' arms. Comprehending love is something no one can do. It doesn't matter if you're five, sixteen, thirty, or eighty-nine, no one can exactly comprehend what love is.

It is a feeling, one of the best feelings in the world. It's so good that sometimes it'll keep you up just thinking about that special person. I think Dr. Suess said it best when he said “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
Every little thing is gigantic and means more than you ever thought it would. Holding hands makes the butterflies flutter in your stomach. Saying those three words can make your heart race one hundred mph. Just seeing them puts a smile on your face.

Then there are the things you'd do for that person. You know you'd go above and beyond for them. There isn't anything in the world you wouldn't do, because you love them. The trust is unbelievably strong, because for once love has opened your mind and heart. The bond is unbreakable. You'll always be there for each other.

All of these things describe love. They describe how you feel or how you act, but none of them can even compare to what love really is. There just aren't enough words to ever describe love. Love is so complicated that it's simple. The only thing any of us needs to know is that love just is.

Best Friends

2008-09-10T20:18:00.004-05:00

Katie, you're my cousin, my best friend. I can tell you everything and trust you more than I can trust anyone else. We have crazy times, but nevertheless funner than anyone else would know. There are millions of pictures of us, starting from when we were little kids to now. We've spent nights staying up late just to talk and giggle (Mostly giggle.) Then there are those nights we stayed up to prank phone call people, saying the most random things, trying to keep people on for as long as we could. Ah, those are the days.

Together we've faced some of the most difficult and even treacherous mountains of problems. You always have my back and I will always have yours. Trust is never an issue, I can trust you with my life. You know all my secrets, even the ones nobody else knows.

We sure know how to have fun. Dancing, singing, video making, picture taking, and who could forget DDR and sing star? Some day we will learn the dance moves to Thriller and at both of our weddings we'll get up and do the whole dance. When we get old and are in wheelchairs, we'll run around causing trouble with our motor scooters and laugh about it for hours.

Katie, you're my best friend. I wouldn't change a thing about it. Well, I'd make you live closer to me, but hey, thirty minutes isn't too bad. I love you like a nerd loves math, and we are definitely tighter than a fat guy in spandex. To our friendship, to us. Don't ever forget it.

Group

2008-07-24T21:39:00.004-05:00

All right, so those of you who have facebook and you happen to read my blog, this is for you! I made a new group on facebook about being against drugs, alcohol, and smoking. It's called We Won't Throw Our Lives Away. If you have facebook you can join because it is open to everyone and is a global group. Please, please join and feel free to post on there! All right, now I'll post a link. =]

We Won't Throw Our Lives Away

I'm sorry this is kind of sloppy. I don't have much time, so I'm typing it fast and I didn't edit. Thanks for reading!! Please join!!

Decide

2008-07-17T11:46:00.003-05:00

Everyone has fallen into the tormenting clutch of peer pressure. I'm sure we've all let it influence our decisions if not control them at least once. Sometimes the damage can be fixed, but sometimes there are things you can't turn back. That's why peer pressure is so bad. Those permanent decisions can make a world of a difference. Don't get me wrong, not all peer pressure is bad, although most of it is.

The moral of this blog; don't let peer pressure bother you. It's part of life. Although, some is good, a lot is bad. Use common sense and decide for yourself. Make your own decisions. If you need help with a decision you can always ask, but don't let that be your whole decision. Put in your own thoughts, think about it, and then decide. I could go on about how peer pressure is good and bad, but let's just end it here, I'm sure we've all heard everything about it.

I Am Carmen

2008-07-02T15:05:00.004-05:00

As some of you know, I've been writing a book. Drake My Lycan Brother is my accomplishment and I couldn't be prouder. I spend day after day thinking about it. All of my characters are perfect in my eyes no matter how many flaws they actually have. Plus, the more I think about it, I am Carmen in more than one way. The constant thoughts make me feel more like her everyday. Maybe I'm not like her, but she is like me.

More about the book, I'm still editing. There are just a few more pages that need to be edited and a few new things to add. It should not be much longer before it's all wrapped up and sent off to a publisher. I am thrilled about how it has all turned out and can not wait for all my readers from when I first started to finally see how it all goes. I'll give you all an update soon! Thanks for all of you who have been here to support me!

P.S. I'm still deciding on a final pen name. Andee Divine or Andee Rose? Any thoughts?

Butterflies

2008-07-01T09:02:00.003-05:00

One person can make such an impact on another's heart. One person can make life greater than anyone ever imagined. All it takes is one smile from him, and I'm smiling too. I get these butterflies in my stomach every time I hear our song. Every time he kisses me, I get them too. He can hold my hand, but also my heart. There aren't enough words to describe exactly how I feel, so I'll sum them up in just three words. I love you, Bill.

We Have the Willpower

2008-06-19T09:17:00.005-05:00

Willpower, also known as determination, a quality some of us have and some of us wish we had more of. When it comes down to it, the willpower to do something will keep you strong. It doesn't always have to be the willpower to do something, it can be to stand up for yourself and not do something. You have to hold yourself high enough that you won't fall to peer pressure. You have to be determined to accomplish dreams and goals.

Don't ever let anyone get their hooks in you and keep you from doing what you want to do. Just smile and say "I won't give up." It proves you're a stronger person if you don't sink low like them. Plus, if you don't get upset, chances are that will irritate them more. They want to get to you and if you don't let them, they'll be irritated.

All in all, determination is your friend. It can keep you from falling to peer pressure, help you accomplish dreams and goals, and not to mention, help your self-esteem. You should never let anyone have power over you, so show them you have the willpower to be a better, stronger person.

Oh it is Love

2008-05-30T11:19:00.005-05:00

"When you look me in the eyes, And tell me that you love me. Everything's alright,When you're right here by my side." -Jonas Brothers

When we embrace I get butterflies. I've wanted this for so long. Now I don't ever want to let go. I don't want to ruin this.

Every time I hear our song, I think of you. "These words are my heart and soul." -Sum 41

When you hold my hand, you touch my heart. This is a dream come true.

How Could This Happen to Me?

2008-05-18T13:13:00.002-05:00

Drunk driving, it can happen to you. April 12, 2005 it happened to me. I lost my uncle Kevin because one man made the decision to drink and drive. Kevin lost his life and my family lost someone very dear. No one really ever realizes the affect until it happens to you. Some people think it can't possibly happen to them. I'm talking from experience and honestly, I never expected something like that to ever happen. It did happen, it's been three years and there isn't a day where I don't think about it.

The only good thing that came of it was a lesson. I will never drink alcohol and I will never drink and drive. I can not possibly put myself in that kind of situation where I could hurt someone. I wish more people realized how bad it really is. Every fifteen minutes someone dies in a drunk driving accident. That is too many. We have the choice, we can make it better. Think before you act. Don't drink and drive.

20 Ways to Make a Girl Smile

2008-05-11T23:19:00.001-05:00

I was going through my photobucket stuff and found this. I just thought it was a nice little thing. Hope you enjoy it!

Grandmas

2008-04-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

These ladies are the ones to look up to. They have so many years under their belts and a ton of wisdom. There are times they appear weak, but inside they're stronger than you could ever imagine. They've had experience beyond our years. Grandmas are smart and strong. When you need someone, they're always there. You don't have to look far, for they're always in our hearts. A grandma can bring so much love to a life and are the beautiful blossoming tree at the end of a difficult path.

Andee Rose
For all of my grandmas

Earth Day!

2008-04-22T15:53:00.000-05:00

Because today is Earth Day, try to take an extra step and do something good for our environment.

Recycle
Reuse
Reduce
Replenish
Restore

We should make everyday Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day Everyone!

Love,
Andee!
^_^

I'm Not Going to Hide it Anymore!

2008-04-13T20:47:00.002-05:00

XLike me for who I am. I've always been afraid to admit things, but I'm tired of keeping it a secret. If you hate me for it, then you weren't really my friend to begin with. If you make fun of me, then you're the one with the problem, not me. Let's get this all out in the open. Music is music... I love listening to Nsync, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, and other bands/singers like that. I always have! I've always loved the 90's pop I grew up on! I can't help it, nor do I want to change it.
XI'm getting real tired of people making fun of me. You know who you are. You knew I liked this music, and you made fun of me for it. I don't care how you think it sounded when you said it. The point is it hurt my feelings. I finally got to this point that I don't care anymore. I'm going to like what I want, and you can either accept it or not.
XMusic isn't the only problem though. I don't have a religion. I don't want one either. Honestly, I don't think the human mind has the capacity to understand the universe, so stories are made up. I hate this state and I want out. I want to go far away. I hate sports. I can't play them well so stop giving me crap because I'm not as good as you! I can try, but I'm not the best.
XThe moral of this story, take me for who I am. I'm not going to change myself to impress you. I'm not going to hide things because you hate them. Hate me or love me, I could care less.

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain

Shallow

2008-03-26T20:26:00.000-05:00

Today's topic: being shallow. This is a topic that bothers me a lot, so let's address it now. To start, I'm going to give a definition of shallow, so the interpretations of my blog is a little clearer. Shallow - lacking depth; superficial: a mind that is not narrow but shallow. (Yes, I pulled that off of dictionary.com so it's the real definition)

All right, now that we all understand what shallow is, let's talk about it in depth. Haven't we all heard "Don't judge a book by it's cover" at least once? This means person is better determined by they're personality versus they're appearance.

The question is; does their physical appearance matter to you? Personally, I care more about what kind of person they are rather than what they look like. Beauty is only skin deep and only lasts for so long. Eventually beauty will fade and what will be left? They're inner beauty is the correct answer.

The reason this topic is so concerning to me is because it happens all the time. Today was a good example. I'm not really going to cover what happened. The point is, I was very happy with myself because I realized, I'm not shallow. I'm glad I'm not.

Remember: Inner beauty lasts a life time. Physical beauty is only skin deep. "Don't judge a book by it's cover!"

John Lennon

2008-03-25T22:09:00.004-05:00

John Lennon. He sang, he painted, he wrote, he played guitar, but that's not why he matters to me. There is much more than his talent. It was his beautiful mind, his ideas, and dreams. John Lennon is my idol; he makes the biggest impact on my own ideas and dreams.
He dreamed of a better tomorrow, no war and only peace. He preached love and said what he felt. I admire his honesty and his bravery to do so. I admire how he spoke out and wanted good. He was never afraid to say anything.
Sure, many hated him, but more loved him. There are plenty of us who admire him to this day. When it comes down to the line, what could have happened if he hadn't been assassinated? Would the world be more peaceful? Would there be more love instead of so much hate? Sadly, we'll never know.
John Lennon is my idol, my role model. He's made me see things in a new way. I want to make a difference like he did. Maybe I can't be as well known as him, but I want to make a difference. I want to stand up for what I think is right. Someday, I will get the chance. "You may say I'm just a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Just Be Nice!

2008-03-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

As usual, I've been reading things and searching the web. Sadly, I always find something negative. I know it's everywhere, but to know that it's happening so close to home makes it worse. I'd like to identify and discuss.

Really, hate groups, messages/comments, bashing, ect. All of that is very childish! As high schoolers, shouldn't we be more mature? Oh that's right, should be.... That doesn't mean all of us are.

Doesn't it bother anyone else? I hate seeing things like this. Such fowl language everywhere and constantly. Sure, a few swear words are bound to slip out from your lips once in a while. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the constant swearing. It sounds and looks horrible and it's just so disrespectful!

Next, what is up with the fights? Why can't we be more mature and be diplomatic? I hate seeing or hearing someone use any sentence with the word fight and they're implying they want one. Haven't you got anything better to do? Or is it the attention you want?

Cool the attitudes! Think positive! It isn't impossible. Can't we just all get along? I know I'm asking a lot, but next time you think about saying something hateful, think about the causes and effects. Remember, we're all in this together. We have the choice and power to make a difference.

Pollution of the Body

2008-03-21T19:56:00.002-05:00

Why would you ever want to drink, smoke, or use drugs? I can't find any rational reason why it's necessary to pollute your body. You can live a happy life without doing all the polluting. Usually you feel worse when you use drugs, smoke, and drink. Eventually it catches up with you. Sure you feel great for a little bit, but in the end is it worth it? I value my life, my health, my intelligence, I'm not going to waste it. As cheesy and overused as it is,it's still valid,Say no to drugs! Don't pollute your body!

Little Minds, Easily Influenced

2008-03-15T18:01:00.003-05:00

I babysit, just like many other teenagers. As I babysit, the more I learn about little minds. The most important thing to remember is they are easily influenced. Peers, television, video games, movies, and adults make a huge impact. Sadly, they aren't always good ones. Some little kids will say inappropriate things to get laughs out of their friends. One of the kids I babysit knows a lot of cuss words I know. This is a problem because he is eight and I am fifteen. Peers in any setting, make one of the biggest influences. Some kids find it a necessary to be "cool" and they do stupid things to be "cool." The media has very few good role models anymore. They promote women to look like barbies, that no ordinary girl could be. There are more inappropriate language and scenes that little minds shouldn't see. It makes me sad that society is lowering its expectations for good. I mean really, how sad, people would rather watch violence. Where is the good in that? Little kids are the future. Shouldn't we teach them good morals and not violence?

Lyrically Speaking

2008-03-10T17:23:00.002-05:00

Okay... I've had all day to think... and I'm going to try to write a blog using just song lyrics (with a few added words as needed) to describe how I feel. ^_^

This crazy little thing called love, and there's nothing good about saying goodbye. We sense the danger, but don't want to give up. Trust is a word all lovers know. The glorious art of staining souls, but don't let memories go. The trouble with love is it can tear you up inside, and make your heart believe a lie. Love and loss, embrace the pain. Regardless, my heart beats the same. Do you find me dreadful? Well, Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars. I'm drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are. It's a beautiful lie. It's the perfect denial. Empty words from empty hearts, shattered to pieces and torn apart. Separated with distance so far away, only wishing you would have stayed.

That about wraps it up for now. ^_^

Artists: Queen, Hinder, HIM, Tokio Hotel, Lovex, Kelly Clarkson, Escape The Fate, AFI, Green Day, 30 Seconds To Mars, Andee Rose(poem not lyrics but oh well)

P.S. I don't care if you don't like it... I worked on this and I like it just fine. ^_^

It Could Be Good

2008-03-09T22:23:00.002-05:00

Love can be a good thing,
But sometimes it hurts like hell.
Yet time and time again,
We fall for it!
We take risks for it!

Love can be a good thing,
But can make you crash hard.
Yet once again, as you've seen,
We are always lured!
We are determined to have it!

This is just a rough draft for my new poem, so it's not the best.

Stupid, Foolish Girl

2008-03-08T20:50:00.002-06:00

Stupid, foolish girl!
You fall for it everytime!
Sometimes your heart does lie.
That's when you should listen to your mind
They don't always agree, you know.
Yes, it gets hard deciding which is right.
It really would be better if you'd listen.
Stop being so foolish, you know better!
Learn from your mistakes!

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

2008-03-07T21:01:00.004-06:00

Just because one day things look bad doesn't mean they'll be bad the next day. I can honestly say today turned out better than I intended it to. Of course I figured it'd be a nice day, but it got even better. All thanks to the wonders of music. It can be so reviving and make an incredible impact on your mood.
Music has always made an impact on my life; it's simply part of me. Today I'm glad I chose to listen to an abundant amount of music. It really did help me, and now I feel a lot better. Sometimes we look hard for something to help when something so obvious, like music, can be a cure.
Yesterday I was doubting things, but today I feel better about that. If he feels better, that helps me. My mom has called me an incurable optimist multiple times. I really like to help people, and when I make somebody else feel good, I feel really good. On the other hand, there's a point where you have to say enough is enough. I can't always fix everything. That doesn't mean I'm simply giving up, it means I've gotten to a point I can't help. I like to call it "The point of no return." So maybe I've really tried everything I can do, but I don't ever just give up. I try until I know for sure I can't do anything.
All of this brings us to my motto/theme for the day. Motto/Theme: The right amount of determination will get you where you want to go. Meaning: Too little determination and you'll begin to doubt yourself and not make your goal. Then again, if your too determined you could be unfair and even become a tyrant. The right amount can be critical. Remember that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
Have a nice evening everyone!

Our Forecast is a Delightful Day of Rain

2008-03-02T17:10:00.000-06:00

Clouds move in and everything grows dark. Raindrops fall from clouds above. The pitter patter on the window pane resonates through the room. Everything has become silent with the exception of the rain. It is soothing and delightful. Finally a forecast of something nice and calm. Don't think of it as a depressing rainy day. Eventually the sun will shine and we will feel it's warmth. As for today, our forecast is a delightful day of rain.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2008-02-29T03:32:00.000-06:00

In love you have to make sacrifices. Sometimes they hurt and the pain lasts for awhile, but we have to stay strong. Life never gets that bad. I know its past 3:30 in the morning, but I've been up for two hours thinking.

There are good and bad reasons to be in a relationship. I don't really want to discuss that at this moment. Moving on, I've thought about it and if it takes me getting hurt to make him better then that's the way it'll be. That is what love is about. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but we have to make sacrifices for the ones we love.

He's not the only one I'd do this for. If my friends needed something I'd be sure to try my best to do whatever it takes. I know what I plan on doing will hurt but only for so long.

"From lashes to ashes and from lust to dust, your sweetest torment, I am lost, And we sense the danger but don't want to give up, Oh it's heartache every moment, from the start till the end" -HIM

"Love is the funeral of hearts. Falling in love is the best way to kill your heart because then it's not yours anymore. It's laid in a coffin waiting to be cremated." -Ville Valo

I know it sounds rather pessimistic for me, but I think that way too. Yeah, I'm very optimistic a lot of the time, and even now I am. I know life goes on and I know it will get better. So I'll leave you with this thought; when it comes to those we love, sometimes whats best for them isn't always what sounds the most appealing.

Before It's Too Late

2008-02-26T13:06:00.000-06:00

Before it's too late I need to talk,
Tell you the things I've kept inside.
Emotions and thoughts all bottled up,
It's not right to keep it from you.
You've always been there,
And I've been too afraid.

I know better, to let you in.
You're my best friend,
Who I left out in the dark.
I'm so sorry, you should have known.
My feelings are locked in,
But now I'm letting them out.

I'm open to be exposed,
For what I really am.
No more hiding them,
My thoughts and feelings.
You'll be the first to know,
Just how everything is.
-Andee Rose

Labels are for Soup Cans

2008-02-26T12:25:00.000-06:00

For once in my life, I want to be "normal." No more stereotypical labels. I want to be me and accepted for it. I am so tired of being called moronic labels. They are everywhere and some can be degrading. I suppose some of us have not heard the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover." Either that or people just don't care. I'm betting on that second one. Clothing doesn't make the person. It's what is on the inside that counts! Labels are for soup cans, not people.