Lies

No matter how large or small a lie always does some kind of damage. Someone is always bound to be hurt by a lie. Now keep in mind, a white lie to save someone's feelings, like saying they don't look bad in their favorite outfit, is excluded. Yes, there are gray areas.
In my opinion, the worst lies are the ones you tell yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, what good is that doing? You won't be able to know others are being honest and how can you be completely honest to others? It just builds up, and when you hit that breaking point its the worst.
Yes, I have lied to myself. Every one lies at some point, but we are only humans. I think it helps me to be open minded about lying, because honestly, I'm writing this to clear my conscience. When I look back I see some of my old lies and I'm ashamed, but now I can learn. My past is a stepping stone for a better future. The older I get the more ridiculous lying is and the less I lie. I've realized it's not going to get me anywhere, so what's the purpose? Just keep an open mind about lying.

Vulnerable

What does it mean to be vulnerable? Does it make you weak? Or stronger? It's like taking down every wall you've ever designed and built to keep people out. It's letting someone see you for all that you are, flaws included. I say you feel weak, but I think it makes you stronger. It takes much more strength to let someone in and expose every flaw.
We can only be as strong as our weakest link and by being vulnerable, we're letting someone see that. We're trusting someone enough to know us without judging. It's a huge step, but when it comes to relationships, it makes things easier. It's a better understanding of who each of us really are. I think that it takes a lot to expose your flaws, but if someone can see them and still accept you, than that's the kind of person I want in my life.

Time to find a balance

School, work, family, friends, how will I ever find a balance? Time management is the key. I always find myself worrying about not having enough time for some important part of my life. Sometimes I have to squeeze in an extra couple minutes for homework or even just to say hey to my friends. Right now is the perfect example, I'm squeezing in a bit of time to write a blog since its something I love to do. I'll admit it is hard, but it is not impossible.
What helps me is that I have a semi-routine. Parts of my daily activities are just routine like getting up and getting ready for school. Then I have days when I work, that adds to my daily routine. It's more like a weekly routine. I can't stand having everything the same all the time, so from time to time I do switch it up a little. It can be as simple as switching which time I eat breakfast. Routines can work if you stick to them.
Stress is a big factor when it comes to routines and time management. How do I find a balance? Do I have enough time for my friends and family? Did I finish my homework? Am I working enough hours? It causes me a bunch of stress. It's not so bad that I can't handle it, but sometimes I do get overwhelmed. It's important to handle only what you can. If you can't handle a job and school, then don't. If you are getting stressed make sure you find time to be with your friends and family. That's the best way to feel better.
We've gotta take it all one day at a time. There is a balance, we just have to find what works for us. What works for me could completely throw someone else off. As long as there's a will, there's a way.

Parents

It's one a.m. and I can't sleep. You know why? It's because I'm too busy thinking about some poor little kid I saw today. So I was at a fair today with some friends and it was all fun, like it should be. But I saw this little boy and he was with a police officer looking for his parents and at first I thought nothing of it, because when I was little I'm sure I got lost a few times and was always reunited with my parents. Then an hour or so later I see the same kid with the police officer still but this time he's in a golf cart and he looks very hopeless. These two images keep running through my head and two words come to mind; disgust and sorrow.
I don't understand how anyone could just abandon their child. It's horrible and it just disgusts me that anyone could be that cruel. Along with the images of that sad little boy, I keep thinking of millions of questions. Will that boy be reunited with his parents? If so, where were they and why did it take so long? How in the world could they leave him? If they didn't want him, why didn't they take him to a safe place like a pediatrician's office and leave him there so he'd be safer? Are his parents actually all right? Are they still alive? Is he going to be put in a foster home? How will this kid cope with it? Was it even on purpose or accidental?
I just don't know any of that. The only thing I can really wrap my mind around is that parents are supposed to be our safety net. No matter what they should make us feel safe and protected. Parents are to look out for their children and love them. But this little boy was alone. Sure he had the police officer to look after him, but its not the same! Parents are loving and caring without a reason, because they just do. I'm not saying the officer didn't care, because he obviously did, but not in the same way a parent should. My last thought on this is that those of us who do have good parents should appreciate them. Even if we are a teenager with raging hormones, we still love our parents and when we want to feel safe we know we can run to them.

The Ugly Truth

So I watched The Ugly Truth today and it sparked something in my mind. The truth sure as hell can be ugly. But why do we have to think of it that way? You know optimism can go a long way. Well its the truth, its ugly, but hey at least I know what's real. Sometimes the truth hurts, but that's the way it is. Take it or leave it.
The ugly truth is love seems like it should be all emotional, but its not. You really have to have two aspects of a relationship. One being emotional, and two is physical. Can you really think of a couple who isn't physical with each other? If you can, are they really happy around each other? By physical I don't mean sex, although eventually that does play a part, but it's as simple as holding hands and hugging.
I don't mean to be blunt, but girls need the physical attention just as much as guys do. Girls really do think about that stuff. Unless they're prude, but then again I bet they still think about it, they may deny it though. And why should they deny it? It's the truth. I think people should be a little more open minded about sex and about sexuality. Because everyone does it at some point and everyone thinks about it. I don't think it should be a topic people are afraid of, it's something to embrace so that teens aren't scared of it and girls aren't scared of it.
So why do we like to deny the truth? Is it we're just scared? Or is it the lack of open mindedness? The truth should be put out there. I do respect that people want to live their lives in denial about certain subjects, but I don't think some should feel they have to. The truth can be ugly, but its out there.

The Popular Finish Last

Popularity. Who the hell cares? So here's the situation; We're in high school and that girl is super popular. Why? Well first of all, she probably kissed ass to get to the top. She might have done some things we shouldn't exactly speak of. And why did she do it? Just to be cool. The best part, its only for the next few years of high school.
Popularity is over-rated. It's stupid. It's annoying. Why is there even a top and bottom for social status? I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't care about being popular. And who cares if a lot of people don't like me? They're not worth my time, if they're not going to get to know and like me for who I am.
And why do girls crave popular guys? That is just plain ridiculous! Especially if you know they won't ever like you. They're not going to spend their time on you if you're not popular like them. So why even waste your time? Most of the time they wouldn't love you for who you are.
For my disclaimer I'll say that not all popular people are ridiculous. Some are nice. But, popularity shouldn't matter. It's a waste of time to become or worry about being popular. Just accept yourself and love the friends you have. They're the ones that would catch your fall anyway.

RIP the King of Pop

I know it is a bit belated, but I'd like to talk about Micheal Jackson. His death was a shock to us all, including the haters. I suppose the haters got what they wanted, and I hope all the nasty jokes will finally go. But still, people keep going on with the stupid jokes. Okay, so he made some mistakes. Who doesn't? He was acquitted of all his charges, so why is it still a big deal?
Micheal Jackson was the KING of Pop music. To the Guiness World Record he was the king of charities. He's listed in the books for Most Charities Supported By A Pop Star. And I'll be damned if that isn't something very special. His music made a HUGE difference in not only pop and other types of music, but also in society. Many singers were influence by him and without Micheal, where would they be? And about society, it's not just the charities. Because of him blacks, whites, asians, hispanics, everyone can get along better. I seriously think that without his influence, Obama might not have become president.
I hope all the haters and hypocrits are done. If your just now trying to come around and say good things because he died, then you're a hypocrite and you're just as bad if not worse than the haters. All I have to say is rest in peace Micheal Jackson. You'll live on through your music.

Crazy, Wild Dreams

There he is, the man of my dreams. He's tall, dark, and handsome and he's calling out to me. I reach for him and the floor begins to give way. I back away until my back is against a wall. The hole in the floor gets bigger, until I have no choice but to hold on for dear life. The edge gets harder to grip, but I don't let go. Do I fall? Do I climb back up somehow to see the man again? I don't know, I've just woken up from another crazy dream.
My dreams have always been weird, at least the ones I remember. Sometimes I dream about my thoughts or events of the day. Sometimes I don't know why I dream what I do. I suppose that some part of me is familiar with the idea.
Besides my crazy dreams, I have a very weird sleep pattern. Sometimes I can get eight hours, sometimes barely twenty minutes of sleep. I notice that depends on whats on my mind. If I have a lot or one thing that's bothering me, I can't sleep. That of course is fairly normal, in my opinion. And if I say something like oh, I bet I'll sleep good tonight or vice versa, I usually do.
Dreams and sleep patterns really rely on thoughts. I'm not saying this goes for everyone, but for me it does. I've always been a thinker, about everything. That goes for the man of/in my dreams.

Do you know just what you can do to a girl's heart?

As young girls we start out dreaming of that prince charming like in all the princess stories like Cinderella and Snow White. We dream of the day we'll fall in love, the day we get married and how beautiful we'll look. We watch and absolutely adore anything with love in it. That goes for books, too. That's just how we are.
Do you know just what you can do to a girl's heart? When we start liking you our hearts flutter. We can't help it. Then when you play with our emotions it crushes us. It's not that hard to do. It's even worse when we really like you and think you like us. But you know what? We'll get to that point, we don't care. Girls can be just as strong. Someday you can watch us walk by without a glance or a tinge of remorse. Why even waste your time? Why waste my time? If you're not into me, don't act like it.
Love is an important thing to girls, so don't ruin it. Because once the damage has been done, it's over.

Blinded by Love

I'm sure everyone's heard that love is blind. I have to agree with that. Everyone has their own preference on what they're attracted to. (I don't know if that makes sense, but we'll go with it.) I will say that I have sat at the mall with some of my girl friends and we'll talk about how hot guys are, but that's not why I date guys. Looks only last so long. When I start liking somebody they better have a damn good personality.
Now I'm not saying I date ugly or hot guys, because in my opinion they may be cute, but to somebody else they're not. I really like a guy when I can relate and when they've got an awesome personality. Their personality is what makes them attractive. So maybe that's part of love being blind. Otherwise all of the shallow people, who are only in it for looks, would all be in love. And I have to say not all good looking people are shallow. You could always have the best of both worlds.

The Pit of Despair

The pit of despair is what I like to call my moments of doubt. The moments I start feeling pessimistic and hopeless. I've never really been a confident person. I would have moments where I really am and then moments where I wasn't not at all. This year I've been working on it. Gaining more confidence, more of the time was my new year's resolution.
I didn't write this to brag about how much progress I feel I've made. I thought that maybe if I share my experience with the pit of despair that it would help somebody else. It's a sorrowful place to be. You feel like everything is going wrong, you're not sure how to reach that radiating sunshine at the top. Sometimes you know you need to climb back up, sometimes a friend is throwing you a rope and pulling you back up, and sometimes you're in so deep that you don't even want to worry about the sunlight. I know how that is, but once you get back in the warm sun, it makes it much easier to keep climbing up and less likely to fall back in.
The important part is being optimistic. Don't be so optimistic that you think you'll fly right out of the pit, because that'll lead to disappointment. If you're realistically optimisitic (that sure is a mouthful) it keeps your chin up without keeping your head so far in the clouds you're lost. Don't think too much about the pit and try to avoid it. The sunshine truly is better.

Not Like The Other Girls

Weird? What is weird? Better yet, what is normal? Now I believe there is no such thing as weird or normal. Sure something can be unusual as it not the ordinary. But when it comes to people, there is no weird. It's so subjective, that I don't think weird is an appropriate adjective.
I'm pretty sure we've all been called weird. And yes, I've called people weird. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite, but who are you to be all high and mighty to call me a freak? I don't have to like the things you do, I don't have to fit in, so I'm "weird." I know I'm not like the other girls. I don't care. I love who I am, I'm finally satisfied with myself.
Is it that you're insecure? Is that why you put people like me down? Wow, how mature of you. I've been bullied and I've also seen others being bullied. Why do we have to hate people for their differences? What would the world be without all the unique people? Boring. So let's not put others down for how different or unique they are. They're not weird! Celebrate how unique our world is!

"What makes you different, makes you beautiful, What's there inside you shines through to me" -Backstreet Boys

Music that Changed my Life (Boring rambling about music I love)

When I think about music in my life time, it's been a long winding journey. I started loving music early with Backstreet Boys, followed by Nsync shortly after. I suppose I really liked the boy band/pop stuff for awhile until I got up into sixth or seventh grade. Although at the time I'd like to think I stopped liking pop music, I never did. In middle school I started wearing all black (what was I thinking?), and I got my first taste of newer rock thanks to Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams. My collection of favorite rock artist then grew tremendously. Somewhere between those two my grandpa got me into jazz and blues, and I got into classical pieces simply because of my violin. Anyway, as I got into high school, I started listening to the Beatles and John Lennon music. It gave me something to really think about. I started feeling better about myself, along with wearing more colorful clothing. And here I am, listening to all kinds of music. I'm not ashamed of it, like I used to be afraid that someone would judge that I still like pop music. I don't care. The Backstreet Boys got me hooked on music, so they have a special place in my heart. Music is music, whatever moves you is what will capture your heart.

Obsessions

I'm sorry my lovely readers, it's been forever since I wrote. I've had so much going on or I've had writer's block but finally I have some time to sit down and write and no writer's block. So here we go. =]
The topic I want to rant about is obsessions. I don't mean Brad Pitt obsessions or Twilight obsessions, it's the every day obsessing over some one. First, I have to say by obsession, I mean it in the strongest form possible. A lot of people can use it lightly by saying, I'm so obsessed with him, he's so hot. No, that's not it.
There's a problem when someone wants to know your whereabouts all the time, they constantly call you, and message you. It's crazy and it's annoying. People want and need breathing room. Early on obsessing can be stopped, but there are those who go on to become stalkers. It's scary to think about, but it can be fixed in various ways. Hopefully it never has to be reported to the police it gets so bad, if that's the solution then so be it.
I think that obsessions need to be controlled. I know they can be caused by mistrust and from being hurt in the past, but it's time to move on. Lives will continue after obsessions can be released. It breaks chains and kills the depression that hangs around for the one being obsessed on. The obsessor can also have a life of their own if they just move on.
The moral of this story: don't obsess, don't stalk, and move on. Life always goes on and there are always other people. Brad Pitt or Twilight obsessions, those kind are okay, unless you start stalking some one, then of course its too far. I guess it all goes back to common sense doesn't it? How funny, pretty much everything needs some common sense.

True Friends

True friends, what exactly does that mean? I guess it's up to the individual to decide what a real friend is. Maybe I'm a bit picky or maybe other people have too low of standards. Either way, my interpretation of true friendship is probably different, or maybe its the same, as yours.

This is what I expect of a real friend. Trust, I have to trust you and know that you can trust me. Honesty, I don't want some one to always lie to me, even if its better than the truth. Loyalty, don't claim to be my friend and then stab me in the back. Like me for me, don't be my friend unless you can truly like and respect me for who I am.

There are always things that can go along with those. Of course, I have more things that I expect, but I suppose I've gotten the general idea out there. What does a true/real friendship mean to you? What do you expect? Maybe we should all take a moment to think about it.

Mistakes

Mistakes, everybody makes them. Sometimes more than others. I, however, tend to make huge mistakes that I always regret. They eat at me every time I think about them. Although I'd like to say I don't regret anything, that's nearly impossible. I understand that everyone makes mistakes. I understand that we learn from them. Just like in Newton's third law of motion... for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, every mistake has a consequence.

Mistakes have consequences, because that's how we grow and learn. Wheither it's shame that haunts us to remind us not to do it again. Or maybe it's a consequence involving getting in trouble with your parents or even the law. The most important thing is to learn. I almost want to say I don't regret things, because every mistake is a learning experience. Then again, shame and regret will always ride on my shoulder.

As I get older, I become wiser and more mature. Hopefully, I'll be able to see the consequences more beforehand rather than after the fact. Then I can make better descions. No matter how old I will always make mistakes.

Self Sabotage

Self sabotage, why do I do it? Why does anyone? Sometimes I get to a point and I just can't sleep, like right now. I get to thinking about stuff and can't stop. Then I worry about it; how is this going to turn out? What if I make this decision? What if I chicken out? That's when the sabotage begins. I dwell... and dwell... and you guessed it, dwell some more. I take forever to make my decisions sometimes and in the end it hurts me more. Sometimes taking forever helps me know that it's right, but it's still hard.

Another way I sabotage myself is when I go through a break up (or think about one) all I want to do is watch chick flicks like The Notebook, The Wedding Date, and Sweet Home Alabama. I listen to break up songs and sometimes I listen to love songs. It gives me some weird hope of finding that someday. I'm just setting myself up to see/hear something so romantic and here I am crying my eyes out over a break up.

I really don't know any other way to make myself feel better, except for writing it all down. You've probably figured out what made me write this and what's keeping me up at such an early hour. It's a hard thing to do and it does deserve some thought. Honestly, I have to say that I probably have given this too much thought. I've been taking my time and consequently I have to deal with that.

What is Love?

Sure any one can describe it. They can describe the emotions they feel and how it makes them physically feel, but who really knows? I am sixteen and I can not wrap my mind around what love is. I am too young to really know or to be in love.

As a girl I've always wanted to be the princess who is rescued by her loyal, charming prince. I wanted my knight in shining armor to whisk me away on his noble stead into the sunset. I cannot possibly speak for every girl, but I can tell you there are lots of us out there like that. It's not that I don't believe in true love, because I do. It's that I don't think high school is the place I'll find my one true love. I'm not saying that it can't happen, because I know it can, but that it doesn't happen often.

I am a sixteen year old girl. I am a writer, a violinist, a journalist, but I am not an expert on love. I have not really been in love nor do I expect it any time soon. True love can occur, but not usually in high school. It took a lot of thought to finally get myself to believe that. I've always been a bit of an optimist, but recently someone has opened my eyes. I can still be optimistic and still dream of my prince charming. Love is something so complicated I doubt I'll ever completely understand.

New Year, New President

I know there's a lot of controversy about our new President Elect, Barack Obama. I do enjoy my fair share of politics, but I try not to discuss them too much. Since the presidential inauguration is only six days away. I wanted to hear from some people about how they feel.

I know that I support Obama, because I think he can really bring about change. I really hope he does, because let's face it, our country really needs it. Does anybody else think that it's kind of neat that the inauguration is the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day?

That's all I have to say, please comment. Thank you all so much for reading. [=

Words

What would life be without words? Really, there would be no languages and communication would be completely different. Maybe it would be like dolphins who communicate with sounds that travel much faster through water. The reason humans are so intelligent stimulates from being able to talk and communicate at such a high level.

Words are so wonderful. I, personally, love them. You can move them around and make all kinds of sentences. You can write anything you want, say anything you want, read anything you want, and think anything you want. It all consist of many words. There are so many you could not possibly know them all, so you can always learn new words.

Today, I'm using words to bring in the new year with my new blog and also my second book. Here's to another year of hard work and writing. Hope everyone is having a good new year.