Seriously, Let's Not Judge Others

I am Andee. I, like anyone else, have my own set of morals, values, opinions, ect. My morals, opinions, and values may be different from yours, but who are you to judge me? One of my goals in life is to eliminate my own judgmental feelings towards others. Easily, one can be less judgmental by being educated. I advise that everyone take a sociology and/or psychology class to get a better understanding of different cultures, individuals, races, ect. Additionally, one can become educated by getting to know people before they judge them. Secondly, you can eliminate judgment by just having the will-power to not judge people. You know, the golden rule, “treat others as you’d like to be treated.” I think it’s fairly simple manners.

So let’s get down to what happened today. If you couldn’t tell, I’m steaming about this topic. I went to a doctor’s appointment, pretty normal right? I may be assuming here, but I’m pretty sure when you go to the doctor’s office, it’s not really expected to hear the nurse talk bad about you. Am I wrong here? Anyway, what the nurse said was not exactly appropriate since it had to do with the medical reason I was visiting the doctor, and it was rude comments about my let’s call it “condition.” What she said and why she said it is not important for this discussion other than she didn’t agree with my morals/values. Still, she has no right to judge me because A) she doesn’t know me and B) she should not be talking about a patient to other people who are not directly involved with my visit, let alone where everyone in the office can hear her! I was in a room and could hear her. If you’re in any kind of field, especially the medical field, your job is to practice medicine (or whatever) and not judge your patients for any reason. That’s just what I think. ­­

So the moral of the story is; don’t judge others. I’m so tired of living in such a hateful, judgmental world. I am an individual, just like anyone else. I have feelings and I get hurt. Why can’t we just put a stop to this and work together to make the world more accepting? I’m going to have to quote John Lennon because maybe “…I’m dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.” And I do hope that, because I want a better future for the generations to come. So next time, do yourself and others a favor; think before you judge someone and act acco­­rdingly.

I Love You for Who You Are

Every girl gets this idea that they want to find one guy who just loves her for who she is. She sees it in movies, reads it in books, and she wants a love like that. She spends her life waiting for a guy like that. All she wants to hear is "I love you for who you are." She wants and needs to believe in those words.

When she finds the guy who utters those words she knows she has to hold on to the love they share and never let go. She has reason to believe in those words and knows he means those words. That's when she can truly give her heart. Maybe it'll be difficult, but it's something she needs to do and wants to do. And she does it because she loves you for who you are.

Love Isn't Always What I Thought

When it comes to love, I'm a hopeless romantic. I want nothing more than my very own romance novel story. And maybe I'm too optimistic because I want some perfect love story. Realistically, love is never perfect not even in books. For example, tons of people (myself included) adore Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook. Allie and Noah are so perfect together and you may think their story is a "perfect" love story. I used to think this, too.

It's time to face the fact: Noah and Allie were just about as perfect as any real relationship. They fought, but they were still crazy about each other. Additionally, they faced the hardships of being separated and lied to in order to be kept apart by Allie's parents. Their love, however, is something to strive for. For years, Noah waited (although he tried to move on and failed). Allie moved on, but in the end she chose Noah because he was who really held her heart. Thus, I believe true love prevails. No matter if the couple is fighting or distance separates them, love will win.

Noah best sums a relationship up when he tells Allie, "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard: we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday." And thank you Nicholas Sparks for making me believe in true love.

Help Stop Poverty!

Did you know that $15 can help a person in poverty for an entire year? To us $15 doesn't seem like a whole lot, really it's enough to get sunglasses or a pair of jeans. To someone in poverty $15 is life for an entire year. It has always been my dream to help make a difference in the world, so this is my first attempt to change the world. Please help me reach my goal, even if you donate $5. Any amount is helpful! Plus, I've pledged to dye my hair black (even though I doubt it'll look good because I'm so pale) when I reach my goal. To all of you who took the time to read this thank you.

Help me stop poverty by donating to my fundraiser at: http://support.outreach-intern​ational.org/site/TR/Events/Per​sonalFundraising?pg=fund&fr_id​=1030&pxfid=1082

Searching for a Purpose

What is my life purpose? What is my personal legend? I'm drowning in questions and in the unknown. I have so much to figure out, but the most important thing is what is supposed to be my purpose. The one thing I've wanted to do my entire life is to help. After some self-searching, it extended to making a larger difference.

I want to do great things, but I don't know where to start. I mean there are so many ways to help and there are so many things I want to do to make a difference. The problem is rooted in that I feel too insignificant to make such a large difference on my own and I may be. Somehow I've got to reach out and help. When I was little I thought I'd be a nurse or a teacher, and currently I'm considering a degree in biology. I can be a conservation biologist and help save animals, or I can be a teacher and make a difference in the future starting with the youth.

I know what I want to do. I know how to accomplish it, but there are so many roadblocks and obstacles. And trust me, I want to get there. I know I can, but a lack of inspiration stunts my abilities. So in the end that's what I'm looking for, a bit of inspiration and a push in the right direction. Maybe as I make my journey through life I'll figure out my personal legend, but the now is important because if I do nothing, I'll go nowhere. I must act now.

Hidden Heart

Robert Frost, one of my favorite poets, once said "Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up." I definitely understand this, because I've built walls (fences). Walls are great for one thing: keeping yourself locked in. Sure, I see the benefits of being well protected and keeping yourself from feeling too attached or too vulnerable, but there are so many disadvantages. I'm starting to think it's not worth it.

First, locking yourself in also keeps everyone else out. That's obvious, but what you don't realize is that keeping others out, may push them away. It may be unintentional, but they may feel that by being kept out they can't connect to you. As you can see, this is a hindrance on relationships/friendships.

Second, you're hurting yourself. I know that I don't want to end up alone and by hiding behind walls, I could very well end up that way. Plus, walls don't allow true feeling. What's life without a little risk, anyway? Isn't love and friendship worth it in the end?

I feel that by hiding your heart behind walls is ridiculous. I get scared, but I want to take a chance because there is so much I'm missing if I don't. I've been hurt and I know the feeling of "I'm never letting that happening again." That's no way to live, so I'm going to work at it. We can't always be safe, but in the end loving and being hurt is so much better than not ever loving.

Letter to an Amazing Guy

Cameron,

What do I contribute? What is my purpose? These questions are complicated, but I strive to find some kind of answer. I was posed a similar question last night and I can't get it off my mind.

In P.S. I Love you, Gerard Butler says "Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends." Meeting you changed life as I knew it. Life is different now; it's better. You make me feel safe, even if it's just a scary movie or facing my greatest fear. I know I can count on you to protect me, to be there for me, and to make me happy. You give me so much without even realizing it.

I love how you and I have enough similar interests, but also enough differences to make it work. Being with you feels right. Depending on anyone is scary, because of what I've been through, but it's a risk I'm willing to take now. The truth is you mean a lot to me and I don't want that to change. I hope that our paths continue to intertwine together for awhile, because ultimately we both contribute to each other a lot by providing introspection and learning about one another.

For such a complex question, this hardly feels like enough words, though every word I've said is true. Every time I think about you, I realize that our song by Ben Folds is right, "I am the luckiest."

Yours truly,

Ashley

I'm feeling...

Instead of stating how I feel, I want to convey it through a story. I will not obviously state what it is, though there will be several hints. This will be from my character Carmen's point of view. I hope you can all see it similarly to the way I do. If not, I'd love to hear your responses, so leave comments or contact me otherwise. :)

One cold winter day, I walked home along the creek with Raine by my side. I could still hear the whining and moaning from all of my classmates, who complained about their problems. No one had asked about my issues, they all assumed I wanted to hear their babbling. It's not that I had a lot of issues which begged to be discussed. It's just that I felt lost in all of my thoughts like a child lost in a crowd.

As my thoughts consumed me, I kept walking forward until all I felt was an icy chill run through my body. The water crept up past my shoulders and before I could think my head was covered. I reached for Raine, but there was no hand to grab. I tried to scream for help, but I produced no sound. Raine stood at the surface, searching for me. The murky, cold water kept visibility to a minimum, so I swam towards the light. I surfaced and gasped for air.

"Are you okay? Take my jacket," Raine said as he hurriedly took off his jacket.

"I-I'm okay," I stuttered between teeth chattering.

"What was on your mind and had you so intrigued?" Raine got it. Finally, someone had realized. Before I could utter another word he hugged me. "Tell me about it when we get you inside."

So there it is. Tell me what you think!

Relationships = Life Lessons

Not everything in life is love related, though as a girl and a hopeless romantic, love is a large portion. I know Valentine's Day is around the corner, so I feel this blog is appropriate. I'll spare you the heart gushing and get to my point. Relationships, if not always great, are awesome for life lessons. Sure, there is vulnerability and there will be heart-break, but no matter what happens, you can learn something. Not only do we learn about other people, but we learn about ourselves. Relationships teach us how to interact with others and what kind of traits we may be looking for. Love is complicated, so we must be open minded to the lessons it can teach us. I believe love doesn't just magically walk into your life. On the contrary, I do believe by using relationships to learn, love can develop.

Sink or Swim

Debating and deciding, oh those major life-altering decisions. When making decisions, the one thing to consider is to sink or to swim. I've concluded that I want to stand on my own after graduation, and I don't want help. I'll either sink or I'll swim. Swimming is the best option and I will do my best. Also, when considering mlad's you may have to settle until you can find a way to reach a greater goal. Settling might actually turn out even better than your original plan. Start small and work your way to the top when you decide to gain your independence. The world may be big and bad, but you can be tough. Face it, and demand your independence.

Where's home again?

It took me staying out of my house for six days to realize that home is always home. I mean that no matter how far I stray or how long I'm away, I can go home and feel safe. I believe it's true that home is where the heart is. Home is about being around people who love you and feeling protected. I know that no matter how bad things can get, there is always one place to go.
As a teenager all I can think about is getting out on my own and being independent, and this six days has given me a taste of that. When I get out into the big, bad world I will remember my where I came from and be thankful that I have somewhere my heart belongs. In seeking my independence, I may find that somewhere else is where I should be, but for now my home is where I've grown up. Understanding and appreciating your roots is a building block of gaining independence, and I'm glad I've learned this early on.

Walk-in Friendship

Walter Winchell, an American newspaper and radio commentator, once said, "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." I have to agree with Winchell. It seems that people always walk in and out of my life, but the people I consider my real friends are always there for me. My experiences so far have shown me that some people are not always going to stick around through hardships. Life can get difficult and nobody can deal with it completely alone. I always put up a tough front, because I've been through a lot and I want to deal with what life deals me, but I couldn't have made it through the worst without my friends. I love my friends and I hope they all know how much I appreciate them.

Where are you Christmas?

Does anyone else not feel the Christmas spirit? I feel like all of the good things that made Christmas are slowly disappearing. Before we know it, Christmas will be extinct. Whether that's the religious aspect or even Santa, it will slowly die off and have no meaning other than presents.

Instead of holiday cheer, there's greed and selfishness. Some (not all) children I know are focused on getting what they want, though it's not always children. What is up with "keep Christ in Christmas"? It's selfish to other religions who do celebrate Christmas purely for the cheer and love it brings. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but who isn't getting tired of pushy religious people saying things that ruin your opinion of them? I am for sure.

I'm Sorry to inform you, but Christmas isn't all about presents or all about Christ. To some people, Christmas is about being with friends and family. It's about caring about people and being generous. I used to love the holidays, but this year so many people have been rude to me, it makes for a disappointing end of the year. In the end, I hope to preserve some kind of Christmas spirit for my children someday. When I have children, I want them to experience the love and good feeling Christmas always had for me.

Lost

I feel lost. I'm dancing around dizzily with confusion. What am I going to do? Who am I going to be? What's the best decision for me? And what's with all these secrets lately? I don't like secrets, I never have. I love him. I know that because I always have, it never changed. I just don't like keeping it a secret.

This year has been rough for friendships. Honestly, only a few have passed the challenges. Now I'm being spied on and its starting an information war. I don't want anything to do with it. It feels like I have to watch my back, more so my mouth. If I say one thing, it could trigger the bomb that starts the big war. I hardly trust anyone and it's exhausting. When am I ever going to feel safe? I don't feel physically safe or emotionally safe. This is preposterous and I want an end to it. Unfortunately, I feel this is hardly close to over. I'm willing to let it all go and move on, but I doubt she is. The immaturity is absurd and I'm not going to play into it.

I've had a bad year, thus I've learned a lot. I'm not willing to jeopardize my mental health for some immature girl. I will not play your game and I will not let you hurt me. This is not fun and you should grow up.

Moving Forward

I have so much on my mind, it's racing with thoughts and I'm not sure where to begin. It's a dizzying feeling, with so many things pushing to be top thought. You know, I feel like people don't listen to me the majority of the time. Is it that my problems are slightly less important, or are they so arrogant that they can only focus on themselves? Why should I give you the time of day when I don't matter to you? That's right, I'm the bigger person. I won't refuse to listen to you, if and when you want to talk. I guess this would explain why I have to blog and write in a journal. It's more for me than anything. Don't get me wrong, I'd be tickled pink if my blog touched lives and helped inspire somebody.

Second on the list, I am so afraid of getting hurt, it's not even funny. At one little sign of a possibility, I'm ready to retreat behind my wall. I've been hurt so many times and I know that love comes at a price. Love is always worth the price we pay, but that doesn't make my fear any less. Sometimes I think too much about the situation and automatically assume that something bad is going to happen, that I'm working on. There is a happy medium, and I will find it.

The last thing I want to write about is another kind of fear. I've been through a lot this year and I want to push forward. I've made it this far and nothing would make me feel worse than to slip backwards. Since the issue (we'll just keep it at that) was resolved, or so I thought, I felt like massive weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. Now there is a possibility the issue may come back, and I'm honestly scared. I don't want fear to control my life again, and I'm trying hard to keep it from doing so. I just got keep on moving forward.

Endings only lead to new beginnings

Today is my last day of summer. I'm very familiar with the whole back to school/end of summer kind of thing. This year it feels a bit different. This is my last summer as a high school student. It's scary to think about, but also exciting. All good things must come to an end. The brighter side is one door closes to another open door. After high school is college, a new chapter in my life.

It's time to start taking responsibility for everything. It scares me, but thinking about the Independence and the fun I'm going to have makes up for it. Growing up is scary, but we all have to do it. It's not the ending, it's only the beginning.

How much more?

I've had it to my wits end with rude people. First, there are things called manners. I figured this was a given, simple social skill which people just acquired after enough time around other people. Wrong. It seems some of my family have not learned what manners are. It drives me crazy!

Second, what gives someone the right to be totally impolite and say such hurtful things and rude comments? "Why are you here?" Since when did you own this house, which you are visiting in? Since when is it okay to make me feel unwanted and be rude? I don't have to be nice and I don't have to visit, next time I won't bother.

Third, I do speak my mind. This does not make me a "heartless bitch." But thank you for trying to understand me. By the way, you fail. By stating the truth that a family member has done a lot of damage to my self-esteem and has been nasty to me, doesn't make me a bitch. I only said what everyone else thought and was afraid to say. I know how I feel and I'm not going to hide it. I've worked way too hard to get to the point I don't bottle it all up.

Lastly, I'm done. If I get pushed away further, then so be it. I am not willing to keep trying and failing. I'm tired of this one step forward, two steps back.

Jason St. John

Jason, you had a great idea for a post, but I thought maybe I'd write about you instead. See Jason has been one of my biggest supporters for quite awhile. He's kept up on the stuff I read and given me feedback. Jason is quite an inspiration himself. He's had a hard life, but he's kept on pushing through and he's aiming to get better. That's something to be proud of.
Everyone's lives are hard in one way or another. Jason has proven he can handle what he's given in life and I have to say that inspires me. He is one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and he listens and helps. We have had our ups and downs, but in the end we've managed to stay friends. I wish we were closer and that he also lived closer, but I can deal with how things are now.
Jason, you always make me smile no matter what. I love how you always know just what to say to make me feel better. Best friends forever. =]

Just haven't met you yet

I know all my posts lately have to do with relationships and love and blah.... but that's what has been on my mind a lot. Maybe I watch too many chick flicks and read too many Nicholas Sparks' books.... if there's such a thing. But here's the thing, I feel like love doesn't just happen. It's not like whoa did you see that guy, he's the one. Love at first sight... hoax! I'm pretty sure it's liketrust and it has to be built over time.

Maybe I just haven't met the right guy yet? Like Michael Bublé's lyrics "I might have to wait, I'll never give up I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life," I think I'll let fate lead the way. I'm not going to try to find my "prince charming." So stop waiting for the perfect guy to walk into your life and do what you wanna do. I say that when it's right you'll find the love you hoped you'd find. So don't stress about it and keep your options open. If it helps dream about whoever you want and that too-perfect-to-be-real romance we all wish could be true. Love is crazy, as is life. Let's live it to the fullest and love will eventually come our way.

Don't wanna be a broken-hearted fool

Relationships. What is it that people are scared of? What am I afraid of? I think the thought of giving my heart again is pretty scary on its own. Once you've been really hurt, it's hard to subject yourself to the same possibility. Since the big, bad break-up I've kept closer tabs on my heart and who I might want to give it to. I have only been in one relationship since then and that didn't last long for reasons of its own. I don't always feel like I want to date someone. I'm afraid to commit my heart and get hurt. But that's the problem, not the solution. If I open up, I could give someone a chance.
Love is taking risks, even if it means putting your heart on the line. I think I need to stop being a pansy and take down my walls. Walls are only for two things; keeping yourself locked up and keeping others out. Neither are good for relationships. I want to find someone I can call my best friend and my boyfriend. Someone I trust completely and makes me want to take down my walls. I'm strong and I can make it work if willing. I suppose this is the first step towards that. I wish the rest of you the best of luck with your "love lives."